You've missed me. Well, I'm back. Oh, you haven't missed me? I'm here anyway.

Elevators disorient me like nothing else. Every time I step off the elevator of the building in which I've worked for a year and a half, I have no idea where I am, or which way to turn. This is especially embarrassing when I turn the wrong way on my floor, and need to make a pedestrian u-turn to my office, all while pretending that I wanted to walk in circles in the first place. @mc814 don't you dare try to catch me doing this. stalker.

I hate how my iPhone auto-corrects "lol" to say "LOL." Because more often than not, i mean "lol."

I think that heretofore, instead of saying "are you going?" I will say "yo, you tryin-da roll?"

Being measured for sari blouses by middle aged male tailors is super awkward. Even more awkward when they are simultaneously chewing gutka. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gutka

My thoughts on the u2 backlash that's been growing over the last few albums: eff off.

I've been looking into meditation camps to attend. Pretty much all beginners' camps are a minimum of 10 days long. I find this to be pretty ridiculous, when you recognize that the beginners seeking these camps are probably too stressed out to find 10 consecutive days off.

Last week, I went to the Las Vegas Urgent Care Facility for a cut on my foot. I kinda wish i had gone at 4 am, instead of 8 am, just to see what kinds of drunken injuries would stumble their way in. And now that I think about it, it's pretty remarkable that during my dozen or two trips to Vegas, not one person I know has ever been drunkenly injured. This was the closest I've ever come, and mine was NyQuil induced. Of course, all this could change on Tuesday...we'll see.

Memo to people who live in the city: I'm sorry you're surrounded by no parking, and people with poor personal hygiene and weird medical issues. Not so much gout at the grocery stores in the suburbs.

I recently returned from a week away from home, and was greeted with 1 wedding, 1 baby shower, and 2 bridal shower invites. Never has my mail ever been so colorful and hand-written. Rest assured, however, that I'll be delaying my RSVPs for these just as much as I delay paying bills. It's only fair to the bills.

On my cab ride home from the airport Sunday night at about 1 am, my cabbie got a flat tire. My first thought was that these things only happen to me. But then I realized that poor cab driver had to change the tire, unprotected from the unseasonably frigid weather. And THEN I realized how he and I must be kindred. Bad luck soul mates. I tipped him extra.

While previewing this note, it recommended facebook friends of mine who might be tagged in this note. Not one of the 4 suggestions is actually a friend I'd even thought would be reading this. It may be time to clean out my friend list...Don't worry, it's not you.